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Over time I’ve found that the easiest way to change my ethnicity – change the way people treat me – is to change my company.And the company that most defines us is, in fact, our choice in a mate.

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We stood there gazing at one another, he obviously embarrassed, pondering the same silent question; should I say something or just take this as a loss and walk back to the car?

If you’ve never been in a situation where you are singled out and denied access to a space because of your race and then forced to decide what action will allow you to leave with a bit of dignity, let me tell you, it is always painful and humiliating.

We share a similar experience with fathers though for reasons of gender had a different effect. People are very much like ducklets in that we are impressionable and become imprinted at an early age to what we identify with. The question is owning up to that which has our name on it!

The little ducklet follows a hen believing her to be (the missing) mama etc. Secondly, the difference between "being" Black and "datng" Black is as you have discovered a matter of commitment; and commitment is the primary component of maturity. Thanks again for your articles and Best Wishes JST Thank you! You stated that you consciously choose to primarily date black men describing it as the "unequivocally more perfect union" over privilege. If the "playing field" were more equal in terms of sexual and racial politics regarding Black men would you feel the same? Hi Domevelo - I believe (as is probably apparent from this blog) in the feminist adage of the "personal is political" and vice versa.

I knew that the Access Denied Pass did not extend to me – when I was in the “right” company, so shame on me for surrounding myself with such company, right? I still remember how I felt when I first dated a white man.