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It can be helpful to look at the initial period of dating as it’s own phase with its own specific qualities.

MORE: Exactly Why Men Withdraw From Relationships For example, in the beginning, both of you might feel a lot of excitement and also an undercurrent of fearful restlessness.

So from his perspective, this is a perfect situation: He still gets to be technically single but also has your ongoing exclusive commitment, sex, and companionship. So if he starts feeling pressure from you for him to get into a relationship with him, he’s going to pull back… It’s because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship…

Or if he feels that the current dynamic is feeling too much like a “relationship” to him (whatever he defines that as), he’s going to pull back. and no amount of asking, begging, hinting, pressuring or convincing is going to change that!

MORE: Signs He Doesn’t Want to Be With You He might give you some excuse as to why he can’t get into a relationship, but the excuse isn’t the part that matters.